End of Feb

Somehow... I reached the end of Feb, piling up and piling up. Practically out of options, and now I don't really know what to do. Tried to apply here, declined. Tried to apply there, declined. Somehow... I don't know. Should I regret this? Should I continue? Or should I put the end stop after all these years? I don't really know.

In numbers, reaches, and such, everything seems better.

Is there any hope? Seems so. The name is there. The brand is there. The reputation is there. Practically... Everything that I've tryna built in the past few years seems to be fruitful.

Unfortunately... Reputation alone is not enough, brand name alone is not enough, and connection alone is not enough. I'm trying this and that, but the dominoes... Have gone far, and far, and far.

At first it seems plausible, but the more days come... The more gloomier it gets.

Now I don't know. Who should I ask? And how? And why? I don't know tbh.

Back then, in Dec, I thought January was probably the last stretch, as shown in the latest posts in the past few months. But apparently I reached the end of Feb. With some green, yet it's still deep in red. But it's not enough. I need more green, like tons of green. But only wishing for miracles, yet it never came... What should I do?

Back then, even if I wished and prayed as hard as I did, it seemed like my effort was not fruitful.

Now... I don't know. Should I wish and pray again? Been a really long time, but at the same time... I don't know. It feels like I have to fall into an endless pit to receive some miracles. But why? Why can people live their lives happily, but I... I don't know.

Am I happy? Seems so.

Do I feel peaceful? Ye. But with all of this things keep piling up from days to days... I don't know what else I should do tbh.

My religion said... Your rizq is guaranteed. But... Where? I keep trying my best yet I receive... None? Why everytime I asked for something the answer is not what I wanted?

It's early of March, and at this time, I don't even know.

Felt suffocated, but at the same time I don't know if I'm supposed to keep walking on this bloody road, or... gave everything up.

I'm happy, and I know it's not big in terms of income, but I was starting to feel the green, yet now... I'm deep in red.