Vain
It feels... Suffocated. Like there are ropes wrapped in my belly, like I'm still able to breathe, yet nothing coming out...
Like... I do feel grateful to upgrade my spec, which means more paths will be opened, hopefully, as I can probably reach other bars higher than what I could do before. But at the same time... I basically have received no income in these past few months, and now I'm trapped and don't know how to pay some of my bills. I need money more than ever, and yet... Nothing coming in.
What goes wrong with my life? Did I choose the wrong path? Will this misery actually end well? Or I'm gonna be even miserable from now on? What if everything will go in vain like how it usually is?
Sometimes... I don't know. Seems like I'm not trying my best, but seems like I am. I tried to offer what I can do here and there, and it doesn't fruit well. My confidence spiraling down, and I've been wondering... Did I do something wrong in the past that made me deserve to receive this bad karma? Or it's just how my life supposed to go?