Stairs, doors. Photo by Elizabeth Gottwald on Unsplash.

Ha hello. It's been a while since I wrote an entry here. Contrary to other entries, this one is going to be a grateful post. Ehehehee.

I... would like to say that I'm feeling grateful, despite still struggling financially and having decided to close the door on that one. I mean... There is a possibility to continue, step into, and finish it, but the chance is probably too small... Like probably just 5-10%, as I only have around 9 weeks to do everything... Which is... Probably impossible. However... I just want to say I'm feeling grateful that I could actually reach this point after what's been happening these past three years.

As I hinted above, most doors aside from this one seem to be declining a lot. They are declining fast, and I don't see where the next stairs are placed. But this door... Even though I'm not rich and have a steady income (yet?), is where I feel happy... I could see I am actually growing if I compared myself from month to month. I could also see that my hard work is starting to actually get rewards and appreciation here and there, which is interesting, fun, and makes me... happy.

I know I haven't gotten lots of money or a steady income yet, but at the same time, this way has opened lots of other doors that I don't think were possible before. Suddenly, I met lots of people from everywhere, far or near. I could expand and "softly" showcase what I could do, and despite not getting that much money, their "appreciation" actually makes me feel happy. This door actually opened other doors, which made people know who I am, donate, support, subscribe, gift gifts, or even order projects, which is unimaginable before.

To close, hmm... It's actually kind of weird. I wrote about my deja reve journey on these threads above (this year). It's weird because... In my opinion, deja reve is a moment in real life where you just realize that you saw/had this moment before, and it is usually in a dream. So... it's weird, spooky, and kind of scary at the same time. Why? I mean... The moment that you had/saw/experienced in your dream, that you don’t know which moment, then later in the future, out of the blue, happened right in front of your eyes. What could you do? Nothing. Just carry on with your life. Hence why it felt spooky, as that means your dream could probably hint what your future is supposed to be, and where you are supposed to be at. So... what will my future be? Who knows.